Monstrous Regiment (Discworld Book 31) by Terry Pratchett

Author:Terry Pratchett [Pratchett, Terry]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins e-books
Published: 2009-10-13T04:00:00+00:00

“He is amazing!” said de Worde as the cart rocked back down through the trees. “I know the clacks is against your religion, but he seems to understand all about it!”

“Like I said, sir, he assesses stuff,” said Jackrum, beaming. “Mind like a razor.”

“He was talking about clacks algorithms that the companies are only just now investigating!” said de Worde. “That department he was talking about—”

“Ah, I can see nothing gets past you, sir,” said Jackrum. “Very hush-hush. Can’t talk about it!”

“To be frank, Sergeant, I’d always assumed that Borogravia was, well . . . backward.”

Jackrum’s smile was waxy and bright. “If we seem to be a long way back, sir, it’s only so’s we can get a good runup.”

“You know, Sergeant, it’s a great shame to see a mind like that wasted,” said de Worde as the cart lurched in a rut. “This is not an age of heroes and famous last stands and death-or-glory charges. Do your men a favor and try to tell him that, will you?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, sir,” said Jackrum. “Here is your road, sir. Where will you be heading now?”

“To Kneck Valley, Sergeant. This is a good story, Sergeant. Thank you. Allow me to shake you by the hand.”

“Glad to hear you think that, sir,” said Jackrum, extending his hand. Polly heard the faint clink of coins in their passage from palm to palm. De Worde took the reins.

“But I must tell you, Sergeant, that we’ll probably send off our stuff by pigeon within the hour,” he said. “We will have to say you have prisoners.”

“Don’t worry about that, sir,” said Jackrum. “By the time their mates come out here to rescue those gallopers, we’ll be halfway back to the mountains. Our mountains.”

They parted. Jackrum watched them out of sight and turned to Polly.

“Him with his airs and graces,” he said. “Did you see that? He insulted me by giving me a tip!” He glanced at his palm. “Hmm, five Morpork dollars? Well, at least he’s a man who knows how to insult you handsomely,” he added, and the coins disappeared into his jacket with remarkable speed.

“I think he wants to help us, Sarge,” said Polly.

Jackrum ignored that. “I hate bloody Ankh-Morpork,” he said. “Who’re they to tell us what to do? Who cares what they think?”

“Do you think we can really join up with deserters, Sarge?”

“Nope. They deserted once, what’s to stop ’em a second time? They spat on the Duchess when they deserted, they can’t kiss and make up now. You get one kiss, that’s all.”

“But Lieutenant Blouse—”

“The rupert should stick to sums. He thinks he’s a soldier. Never walked on a battlefield in his life. All that rubbish he gave your man was death-or-glory stuff. And I’ll tell you, Perks, I’ve seen Death more often than I care to remember, but I’ve never clapped eyes on Glory. I’m all for sending the fools to look for us where we ain’t, though.”

“He’s not my man, Sarge,” said Polly.

“Yeah, well, you’re at home with the writin’ and readin’,” grumbled Jackrum.

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